Some “aha” moments reading s.e. smith’s “Beyond the Binary: What to Wear, What to Wear”. Quoting:
One way to degender clothing is to see more inclusion of femme nonbinary people on sites dedicated to nonbinary fashion and identity. To celebrate femme transgender people and to showcase us in all our glory instead of hiding us away and telling us we don’t belong. For masculine genderqueer people to wear dresses when they feel like it instead of being afraid to do so because they worry about the messages it might send. To see more people who might be read on the surface as ‘male’ in skirts and dresses, heels and pearls, with fabulous hair, this would be a good thing that would break people out of the belief that the only way to do nonbinary ‘right’ is to do it in a masculine way, with men’s clothing, with breasts bound.
Clothing is such a complicated thing, and it is so coded and layered with meaning, that we can become quite snarled and tangled in it. Every now and then I convince myself that I should be wearing more clothes designed for men and I go and try some on and look dreadful, because they aren’t cut for my body, and I end up resenting my body, instead of the society that makes me feel like my body is wrong. Or the clothing manufacturers who cut clothing in very specific and limited ways. Or the community that makes it impossible for tailored clothing for queer folks to really be an option; there are places I could go in San Francisco to find clothing that will fit mybody, but I can’t find that clothing here because the stores that might be willing to stock it couldn’t sell enough of it to justify the expense.
I’m not too sure where I can say I fit into the gender spectrum; part of the reason, I suspect, is that I’m a bit shy to the terms “transgender” and more specifically, “transsexual.” It’s not a lack of willingness to accede to what it means to be TS, but instead underlying feelings of doubt and .. shame? I had a chance to start a transition in earnest years ago, and I gave it up! I’m married (to a cissexual woman) in a traditional nuclear family! How could I possibly be a girl? You’re kidding right?
In turn, I say: “oh, boy, i guess you’re right.” And then I sulk away and try to forget it all ’til I next find myself sliding off into despair somewhere and realise I can’t just ignore this.
Short on time, but in closing: how nice to wear a dress!